Noelle Dreams & Beyond

I plan to post a pregnancy picture soon. Just wanted to say hi until then... I think November has been even busier than October! We have lots of projects in the works, such as the baby-proofing we didn't worry about until cc began crawling a few weeks ago. We also have a nursery to do and Christmas shopping and baby shower planning and the usual stuff that goes along with having a home and a family. I am forever sleep-deprived, especially since cc is in our bed again. (More to come on that front...I simply cannot let him cry it out as much as everyone keeps suggesting it.) I also want to say biggest congrats to our friends who recently got their referral from China!!!!

I just loved that part of President-elect Obama's speech Tuesday night. I think this is an extraordinary time for America, and I feel so proud. I truly hope we can finally come together. I do believe that if anyone can unite the country, it's this man. I went to church today. I attend a Unity church, and for those who don't know it's not your average Christian church. We celebrate the life of Jesus as the great example rather than the great exception, and we recognize and embrace universal truths taught by other great religious traditions in addition to Christianity. We both meditate and pray, we celebrate diversity and the connectedness of all beings, and we are made up of both Democrats and Republicans. As a congregation we're definitely more left-leaning, but our minister does not use the podium to politicize. After all, we are a UNITY church. However, today our minister took the opportunity to celebrate the leap our country has made in electing Barack Ob...

I just commented on a friend's blog that I don't have even a sliver of time to post to my blog, which is completely true, but I figured (at the risk of irritating my husband, who is probably ready for me to come back downstairs and co-parent again since I've now been on the computer for an hour) I would take just a few minutes to simply say GO OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For my kids, for the country, for the world. What an exciting day. And I'll also share that cc is wonderful and beautiful and oh so challenging. He's cutting teeth (has been for months, I swear, and those first bottom ones still haven't broken through), not sleeping well in his crib anymore so he's back in bed with us at night and often in my arms for naps, which means I can't accomplish anything, he cries when I walk out of the room every time, unless Chris is here or we have a visitor, and he grabs EVERYTHING within his reach, which then goes in his mouth if he can help it. He's almo...

Yes, Chris and I found out that cc will be getting a sister in February! We honestly couldn't believe it when the ultrasound technician gave us the news a couple of weeks ago - due to the multitude of men in Chris' family. A few people have pointed out to us recently that this really doesn't have anything to do with determining sex, so I've only been misinformed about this for the last 15 years or so! We've always thought we'd have boys if we were able to have kids biologically. Funny how life happens. We feel incredibly blessed and excited about having a boy AND a girl, who may be followed shortly thereafter by another girl! Yes, we're still pursuing our China adoption, and as you can imagine these days we're OK with the wait. :) We're thinking she'll come to us in 2010, but as always we really have no idea when. I can't believe I'm halfway through my pregnancy. We have so much to do before this little girl makes her grand entran...

I usually reserve this blog for updates on my family, adoption and fostering topics, and parenting miscellaneous, and sometimes I use it just to journal. So why you might ask have I decided to post something political? I happen to think it's extremely relevant to being a mother and to my children's future. I hope you'll keep reading... I grew up in a small, rural community that was very racially segregated and still is today. There was a large countywide public school system that was predominantly black and a very small, private K-12 school, where probably 98% of the white kids went, myself included. My parents said the education was better there, which certainly brought up questions for me, such as why the whites got to have a better education. (Later in a college education course I heard my school referred to as a "white flight" school, a phrase that was foreign to me until that time and has haunted me ever since.) While the county was largely black, I ha...

I can finally breathe a sigh of relief. This is the first time I've been pregnant beyond 13 weeks, and now I'm over 14 weeks. I still have some nausea, fatigue and headaches, but it's all getting so much better. We've had several ultrasounds, and things are looking great in my belly - we've already counted fingers on this tiny baby! We'll find out whether it's a boy or girl in 4 weeks, and I can hardly wait. Most are betting it's a boy, and that's what we always figured it would be because of the literal sea of males in Chris' family. Either way, we'll be thrilled. I've chosen to have my prenatal care at the local birth center, which is a half hour or so away, and that is where I'll give birth with the assistance of a midwife. I feel really good about this decision, and Chris does as well. I have a number of friends who have given birth there and had wonderful experiences. I believe the baby and I are in very good hands. I h...

I have several pieces of very happy news: First of all, we are getting closer and closer to becoming cc's forever family. Recently our social worker said for the first time that we are being considered for his permanent placement. Hooray!!!!!! Chris and I squeezed each other's hand so hard when we heard this. What a relief. We're almost there, cc! Another exciting turn of events is that cc has begun sleeping through the night recently. He doesn't do it every night, but if he wakes up it's around 4am after having been asleep since about 7pm, and so we've gotten some good solid sleep by this point. If he wakes up before 5:30am, we're able to give him a bottle and then he'll go back down until 7am or so. If he wakes up around 5:30, he's often up for a couple of hours. So I actually can't decide which I prefer. I'm not exactly a morning person, though having a baby certainly forces you to try to be one. Either way, he's doing so we...

I'm so excited for my dear friend Nesha and her husband Tod. They are on their way (or perhaps are already there!) to pick up their son, Minh, from the orphanage he has lived in for the first year of his life in Vietnam. It's been a long road since they got their referral last fall (and an even longer journey to adopt - they're on the same China timeline that we are). They've watched Minh grow in pictures, and now they will see him in person for the very first time. I can just imagine what they're feeling - their hearts must be bursting wide open. Wow. I can't wait for them to come back home! I wish I could give them all hugs right now. If you'd like to follow the remainder of their journey to adopt Minh, check out their blog here .

Check out this great website: The Soft Landing They sell baby and children's products that have all been confirmed with each manufacturer to be free of Bisphenol-A (BPA, which is in some baby bottles and other plastic items and has been in the news of late-finally!), phthalates and PVC. I've been wanting to find some nontoxic teethers for cc, and I found out about this website today through my Co-op America newsletter. Perfect timing! I've just ordered way too much stuff, but I couldn't help myself!

Even this post is spur of the moment, and I should really be doing other things. I don't know how moms find time to blog. This one sure can't. cc keeps me so busy - I can't imagine what it will be like with more than one! He is growing so fast. He turned 4 months old today, and as his pediatrician said on Monday he's more like a 6-month-old. He weighs over 16 lbs. and is 26 inches long. It seems he may already be teething as everything goes straight into the mouth, he's been fussier than usual, and he wants to gnaw on my fingers. He's rolling like a champ, and he gets really frustrated because he wants to be able to do more - like crawl! I'm getting really creative with baby games, and I'm using more "equipment" than I ever thought I would. He's just not a baby that can be happy lying down for long periods of time, even with toys all around. Currently we have 3 different bouncy seats (2 are from my sisters), a swing, 2 baby gyms, a...

I have been so wrapped up in my own world that I have not read much about the recent massive earthquake in China until today. The death toll is now reported at over 65,000 with more than 23,000 still missing. Thousands of children have been orphaned, and countless families have lost their only children. I cannot begin to fathom the scope of this horrible tragedy. I find hope in reading that scores of relief workers from all over the world have poured into the country to assist in the recovery effort. And of course there is tremendous work being done by agencies within China, such as the charity listed on my blog, Half the Sky Foundation. This is a well-known, reputable organization that works on behalf of orphans in China. If you can donate, please consider supporting Half The Sky's Children's Earthquake Fund .

I imagine someone reading my blog might question our desire to adopt cc. In other words, we may seem selfish. After all, foster care is supposed to be temporary, and the ultimate goal is to reunite parents and children. I can't say too much because of foster care regulations and because I want to respect cc's privacy, but I can say that his case is complicated, and right now there is no family for him to go home to. We are the only family he has known and will possibly ever know, unless something unexpected happens. And there is one other scenario - he could end up going to live with another foster family, who could end up adopting him. If that seems crazy to you, it certainly does to us. It's also really frustrating to know this is a possibility. If he's not going to be with his birth family we feel strongly that he should be with us and that we should be able to adopt him. As I said, it's complicated, but hopefully when it's all said and done, the jud...

I can't keep up with anything these days - not my friends, not my sisters, not housekeeping, not my business, not the news, not email, not my blog, not exercise, not eating right, not my gray hairs, not sleep - And not cc!! He is growing so fast. It's just astonishing. He's 11 weeks old today, and at times I swear he acts like he's a month or two older than he is. Over the last week he has begun rolling from his belly to his back, and for the last two weeks he has been laughing and babbling up a storm. Several days ago he graduated to a new diaper size. He's not a newborn anymore! At his last doctor's appointment two weeks ago he weighed 12 lbs. 8 oz. He gained half a pound in a week, so he's bound to be well over 13 lbs. now! He sucks on his fists all the time these days - early teething signs? I hope not, but I do wonder since he's drooling quite a bit as well. He is so engaged in the world around him. I wear him a lot and lately I've been letting ...

It's after 1 o'clock in the morning, but I am determined to post to my badly neglected blog before the sun comes up tomorrow. So much has happened in the last 7 weeks, it is unreal. Long story short - we have been fostering the most beautiful baby boy, who for the sake of anonymity in this blog will be called cc. This past Tuesday turned out to be a very good day. We found out cc will be with us for another three months after thinking he was going to be moved any day. Perhaps I will share more about this at some point, but for now we're breathing a deep sigh of relief. I am going to enjoy every minute of the next 90 days without worrying about any future point in time - this is my pledge! The last 48 days have been the most wonderful and beautiful, yet the most heartwrenching, frightening time of our lives. We have wanted to be parents for so very long, and on March 7 we were just going about our lives thinking it wasn't going to happen any time soon. I had even ...

A lot has happened in the last month, which is why I've been away from the blog. In short, I've been to heaven AND hell in a few weeks time. I'll post more specifics soon. Tonight I thought it would be cathartic to share a passage from Kahlil Gibran's THE PROPHET on love. It resonates loudly and perfectly with where we are right now... Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love." And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said: When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest...

Referrals arrived today for families whose dossiers were received in China between December 28, 2005 and January 4, 2006. Whew! It's taken a LONG time to get through the '05 families -- over a year and a half just to get through the second half of '05! More than likely it will take a long time to get through '06 as well, but at least the CCAA is finally matching families who logged in the same year we did. Our log-in date (LID) is June 23, 2006. All I can say is, HERE WE COME, NOELLE!!! We may still be a year, even two years, away, but at the very least we're getting closer...

Here's an excellent article on the chemical BPA, about which I've posted previously, from Seventh Generation's latest e-newsletter: Bisphenol-A Gets Another “F” in Health *In Infertility Blog Land, TTC = Trying to Conceive.

(click on the title) Be inspired!

THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES IN LIFE. FROM THE VIEWPOINT OF FEAR, NONE ARE STRONG ENOUGH. FROM THE VIEWPOINT OF LOVE, NONE ARE NECESSARY. -- EMMANUEL

Hi there! It's been awhile since I've posted, but the reasons are good. I've been spending lots of time exercising! I actually joined a gym, something I never thought I'd do. I've never really been a "gym person" whatever that means (I've realized that it actually doesn't mean anything because there are so many different kinds of people--smart, healthy people--who go to gyms....stereotyping lesson learned). My acupuncturist has been encouraging me to do more vigorous activity (to increase my yang, for those who are familiar with Chinese medicine) and get my heart rate up, whether through my yoga practice or other kinds of exercise. Since I'm not a fan of the various power yoga forms, and since I don't like to walk (my other exercise of choice) when it's rainy or cold, I realized I needed to start doing something else. I do have a rebounder (a mini-trampoline) that I like to jump on occasionally, but I decided that's still not ...

I thought I'd take the opportunity on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day to put in another plug for this amazing and important webblog - Anti-Racist Parent . We've got a long way to go yet.

This past Thursday was a difficult day that turned out to be a very good day. After writing my depressing blog post, I had an acupuncture session, during which I was able to release a lot of sadness. Right after that while browsing in Ten Thousand Villages, I came across the following poem for the second time in recent weeks. (I figure I best pay attention.) Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves... Don't search for the answers, they could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. -Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926), Austria Perfect lesson. Perfect timing. Today I had another gift. I attended a silent retreat at my church with sessions of sitting meditation, yoga, mindful eating, walking meditation, and a long guided rel...

Lately I've been wondering how long a person can wait for something she wants so desperately without risking her sanity. I was lamenting to Chris that this wait for Noelle is not normal. It's not normal to be on the verge of becoming a mother and to feel like you're a mother in your heart, yet without a child, for years on end. It can't be healthy, and there's no way one can prepare for this. For most people it takes no more than a year to have a child -- a year to learn about becoming a parent, a year to create the nursery and stock up on baby gear, a year to save up and buy the video camera, a year to do all the "last before kids" things, a year to savor the moments of one-on-one time with your spouse, a year to dream about everything that's to come in so little time....But not for us. Sometimes I'm OK with this. I imagine there's a bigger plan that perhaps I can't comprehend, but that I can trust. And then sometimes I feel like I...

Well, we're not exactly official yet. Our new social worker called last week to tell us our file is on hold because we haven't done CPR and first aid training, which of course we would have done had we known! Apparently, this is a new requirement that was created after we took our classes last spring, and the information never made its way to us. We're actually not that irritated - maybe it's because our expectations are just so low at this point! Having said that, we received a call from the program director yesterday out of the blue, apologizing that we were not informed, which was nice. It's honestly not a big deal - we're doing the training next week (which is something I've been planning to do for a long time anyway), meeting with our social worker the following Tuesday, and then we really will be official. Supposedly you can get the call pretty quickly once you're licensed, so perhaps this one last delay is even a good thing as it gives us a ...

Well, folks, we finally have that piece of paper in hand we've been waiting on for months. Our foster parenting license arrived in the mail on Friday. We're a bit guarded in our enthusiasm considering it's been such a long, bumpy ride -- within a couple of months it will have been a YEAR since we started that process. Whew! We really weren't expecting it to take that long....sound familiar? We've also hit the two-year mark since beginning our journey to Noelle. Perhaps things will come a little easier for us this year than they have the past few. One can certainly hope. It's a new year, and it looks to be a BIG one on MANY fronts. So here's to 2008!! P.S. I was reminded this past week of a wonderful, old African proverb: When you pray, move your feet. Amen to that!