It's been a long, difficult decision, and we haven't made it official yet, but we are planning to pull out of our China adoption process. Amazingly, the CCAA has reached May 18, 2006 in log-in-dates, which is just over a month away from our LID. I suspect that if we stayed in the program, we'd be matched with a child in another 6 months or so, which means we'd be traveling to pick up our third child within the next year. Considering we began this process in January '06 that now feels really soon, and ironically this is the main reason we're pulling out. It just doesn't feel like the best thing for our kids, who will only be 3 and 2 next year. Adding a 1-yr-old to the mix feels incredibly overwhelming.
I imagined having a big family, and when Caleb and Evan were born, we still intended to add a third. But what feels right these days - and what feels most sane - is to see our family as complete. I want to be a good mom. I work at it every day. I don't know if I would be a very good mom to more kids. It's really hard as it is. Every child deserves the best. Our kids do, and so does the little girl who would have been ours.
I will miss not raising you, Noelle. You have existed in our hearts and minds since 2006, and you always will. We have loved you so deeply, so intensely, and now we send this love out into the universe trusting that your spirit will connect with the perfect family, with whom you were always meant to be.
I imagined having a big family, and when Caleb and Evan were born, we still intended to add a third. But what feels right these days - and what feels most sane - is to see our family as complete. I want to be a good mom. I work at it every day. I don't know if I would be a very good mom to more kids. It's really hard as it is. Every child deserves the best. Our kids do, and so does the little girl who would have been ours.
I will miss not raising you, Noelle. You have existed in our hearts and minds since 2006, and you always will. We have loved you so deeply, so intensely, and now we send this love out into the universe trusting that your spirit will connect with the perfect family, with whom you were always meant to be.
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